Lao Sze Chuan & Chicago’s Szechuan

Lao Sze Chuan is authentic Chinese as you can get. The service sucks, they don’t speak very good English, and they forget your orders.  If that doesn’t say Chinese, I don’t know what does.  However, Michelin gave them a Bib Gourmand.

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LSC was given a Michelin Bib Gourmand in 2012-13 and I’m not surprised that they loss it. Why? Cause they’re Chinese and don’t give a flying fuck about no damn Michelin award. I’m part Chinese and I don’t give a flying fuck about awards.  I only care about direct monetary awards and instant gratification.  If it don’t make dollars, it don’t make sense.

Now, you’re probably thinking that there’s more to life than money.  Well, try paying for the meal with swag or paying your rent with love.  I’m sure that’ll go well with your bill collector.

Anyway, I had a few items on the menu that had me sweating as if I was Jonah Hill taking a walk to the kitchen.

1. Three Cups Chicken – The dish was served in a melt pan versus the typical pot.  The sauce was almost completely absorbed by the chicken.  There was still a little drip when you went to grab the juicy bits of chicken thighs.  The combination of sweetness and spiciness was really good.  It had a crispy texture to it like orange chicken; however, I still prefer my Panda Express Orange Chicken.  Call me snooty but Panda Express is the best authentic Chinese restaurant out there.

   

2. Dry Chili Chicken – The taste and texture of the chicken was similar to popcorn chicken but the spices and seasoning was kicking like Jackie Chan against 10 others in a fight.  The crispy salty batter and the tender juicy pieces of chicken thighs with a shit load of dry chili will have you sweating like Gabriel Iglesias after a hot yoga class in the desert.

   

3. Boiled Beef – The beef tasted very bland and the soup tasted like it was water topped with chili peppers.  It wasn’t a very exciting like watching the 1997 Batman & Robin.  It seemed like they added the chili peppers to mask the embarrassment of the dish.  It’s kind of like how people in the office always go to a different floor to drop a deuce.

   

Overall, it’s a good authentic Chinese restaurant with your typical characteristics like bad service and MSG.  Did you know MSG is naturally produce in aged beef?  Now, you know why you get sleepy after having a large piece of steak.  Also, you’re not a very bright person if you expect good service from an authentic Chinese restaurant.  You have better chances of winning the lottery.  Therefore, expecting good service from an authentic Chinese restaurant is like expecting Donald Trump not to make a mockery of the Presidency.

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