Study Group @ The Library

I hate to admit it on a public forum and lose any street cred, but I’m apart of a book club. We meet in different libraries in LA/OC every other week to discuss our latest book recommendations. By “we”, it’s me, my buddy, a Group Secretary aka the “Bookmark”, and the group leader aka “Bookworm”. I’m kind of a black sheep of the group cause I always give them recommendations on coloring books. They think it’s some mean joke cause they’re all colorblind.

We decided to meet at his library and it wasn’t your typical library with walls of paperback and hard back books. It was dark and the music was extremely loud. It was so loud that it tilted my glasses. For some odd reason, there was a bar in this library. My first thought was, “Ok. I need to try the Teavana Shaken Iced Passion Tango Tea Lemonade with a shot of expresso.” Anyway, we found a secluded table and this lovely young lady, Felicia, asked me if I wanted a dance. I told her, “No I’m kind of busy right now. It’s my turn to give my recommendation on this new Nemo coloring book I got last week. Thanks though. Bye Felicia.”

Felicia whispered in my ear, “‘Cause I knew you were trouble when you walked in so shame on me now. Flew me to places I’d never been ’til you put me down, oh…I knew you were trouble when you walked in so shame on me now. Flew me to places I’d never been. Now I’m lying on the cold hard ground…Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble.” I replied, “You shouldn’t lie on this ground cause it looks really dirty.”

My buddy said, “She been lookin’ for a baller. Somebody that’ll keep her in designer. She ain’t thinkin’ ’bout love. She got her mind on my money. Can’t get a damn thing from me. Tryna get saved. She wanna get saved. I ain’t gonna save her.” I replied, “Saved? Is she in some sort of trouble?”

The Bookmark moves his chair next to us and says, “I’m in luv wit a stripper…” The Bookworm starts saying, “She poppin’. She rollin’. She rolliin. She climbin’ that pole and…” Bookmark interrupts, “I’m in luv wit a stripper..” The Bookworm retorts, “She trippin’. She playin’. She playin’. I’m not goin’ nowhere, girl, I’m stayin’.” The Bookmark answers, “I’m in luv wit a stripper.” I told them both, “Don’t be rude. She’s an adult premier danseur. It’s french.”

Now, Felicia comes back again and sits on my lap then whispers in my ear, “Can’t keep my hands to myself. No matter how hard I’m trying to I want you all to myself. You’re metaphorical gin and juice so come on give me a taste of what it’s like to be next to you. Won’t let one drop go to waste. You’re metaphorical gin and juice.” I annoyingly replied, “I think you got spit in my ear.”

As this was going on, my buddy was telling one of the danseur, “I’m a buy you a drank then I’ma take you home with me. I got money in the bank. Shawty, what chu think about that? Find me in the gray Cadillac. We in the bed like Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.” I was thinking, “Why is he telling her he has a gray Cadillac? He drives a Prius.”

All of a sudden Bookworm’s boyfriend storms in and starts yelling, “My mama don’t like you and she likes everyone and I never like to admit that I was wrong and I’ve been so caught up in my job didn’t see what’s going on but now I know I’m better sleeping on my own.” My buddy and I looked at each other then at same time said, “Wait, Bookworm is gay?!” then I answered, “That would explain his admiration for Madonna, Lady Gaga and Kathy Griffin.”

Bookworm then retorts, “You told me you loved me. Why did you leave me all alone? Now you tell me you need me when you call me on the phone. Girl, I refuse. You must have me confused with some other guy. Your bridges were burned and now it’s your turn to cry…cry me a river. Cry me a river. Cry me a river. Cry me a river-er. Yea. Yea.” I made an offbeat comment, “Oldest move in the book…” Bookworm angrily looks at me and screams, “What? Okaaay! Whaaat?!?” I mumbled, “Come on…Guys always say they love someone to get the person’s pants.”

As this fight was breaking out, Bookmark pounding shots and screaming at Felicia, “When you were here before, couldn’t look you in the eye. You’re just like an angel. Your skin makes me cry. You float like a feather. In a beautiful world, I wish I was special. You’re so f*cking special. But I’m a creep! I’m a weirdo! What the hell am I doing here? I don’t belong here!” I told Felicia, “Yeah, I think he had enough to drink.”

Overall, it was a good time until the DJ announced on the speakers, “Closing time. Open all the doors and let you out into the world. Closing time. Turn all of the lights on over every boy and every girl. Closing time. One last call for alcohol so finish your whiskey or beer. Closing time. You don’t have to go home but you can’t stay here. I know who I want to take me home.” Felicia comes by one last time to tell me to follow her on IG and DM her. I just said, “It go down in the DM. It goes down.”